In attempting to see both sides of a given situation, maybe it’s for the A+ in debate class or the current events hot topic like LGBT you must weigh both sides of the argument. A good measurement of how well you are doing this is to look at how well you can formulate an argument for both sides. When you formulate your argument for both sides of any topic, does the same side always win? If so, would you actually get the A+ in debate class for effective research? What happens to your arguments of a give debate when you let go of being right? When you let go of what your bias preference —where ever it comes from? For example the pro-Palestine or pro Israel debate goes on and on through the arguments of each side.
This blog is not about any of these issues as much as it is about what I believe is the most important relationship — Self, our individual masculine and feminine characteristics included. The way to being more self-responsible comes through mature awareness.
Mature awareness isn’t about being right or good so we don’t burst the bubble that we live in. It’s about curiously learning and growing through more knowledge. As knowledge is power there comes more responsibility with more knowledge to be able to appreciate the differences. Through appreciating the differences outside of ourselves, we actually appreciate and love ourselves more. Our own insecurities create self-doubt and when we are in a state of doubt and insecurity, we are far from being grounded and confident. In this state we can easily blame others for somehow victimizing us and not realize how much is really just a reflection of one of our past wounds from somehow feeling not enough. This can make us want to control outside of ourselves because we feel we have no control on the inside. When really this is not even about the current debate at all, but about something deeper within ourselves surfacing, allowing us an opportunity to resolve a bit more of our puzzle of who we are.
- How good are you at stepping outside your safe zone of knowledge—everything your already know?
- How good are you at letting go? Feeling that uncomfortable space of chaos?
- How good are you at surrendering to that power larger than you, to guide you beyond your own ego mind?
Tomorrow is National Coming Out Of The Closet Day. It’s not only for/about LGBT just as PTSD does not only happen to soldiers. Every one of us has something to celebrate as we come out of our closets into more integrity with ourselves, loving others along the way. What and how are you celebrating?
Because gender is about all of us, as it is about more than only sexual preference, I suggest the Gender Identity/Expression — Freedom of Form” exhibit located at Kay Carol Gallery & Priscila Working Art Studio, 364 Main St., Longmont, Colorado. The tickets are Free and the opening reception is 6-9 p.m. Friday, Oct. 10. More info at https://www.facebook.com/KayCarolandPriscila. There is a great A&E spotlight about it in the dailycamera.com called Art exhibit explores changing views on male-female norms by Quentin Young.
Relationships can bring out the best and the worst in us and everything in between. It’s one of the beauties of relationships. We get to try on all kinds of ways of being with others; kind of like how different clothes can change your look completely. There is unlimited opportunities for us to practice how and who we can be, as even the shortest of relationships have some learning to offer – like someone asking for directions or carrying your bags and the store.
Think of some of your best and worst moments in relationship and ask yourself:
- What kind of potluck dish would describe that moment?
- What don’t you want to regret?
- What matters most?
Notice what comes up for you and what message it brings.
In trying to take self –responsibility do you judge yourself too harshly and get lost in hopelessness and overwhelming despair when confronting your inner demons? Maybe this radical self-judgment bleeds-through, contaminating all your relationships with negativity. The first layer of relationship is self, and everything flows out from there.
Self-talk is critical as it spreads and affects others like a smile – only negatively. It can suck the life out of all your relationships, especially with self. How well do you practice compassion towards yourself in times of shame and feelings of failure? It’s important to take and honest look at yourself and own-up to your mistakes, but without self-condemnation that leads to making you feel somehow less-than. A more compassionate self-talk might be something like saying, Oops! I made a mistake, and it doesn’t make me a horrible person.
or Yes, I messed up, I am human with both strengths and weaknesses. I give myself room to improve.
I AM affirmations are a powerful tool in self-talk.
I challenge you to say and write Five (5) affirmations every day. Choose five (5) that empower and work for you. Say and write them with full intent from your solar plexus area of your body and the truth of your heart, doubting nothing. It’s not about loud; it’s about the intention from the center of who you are. Here are a few examples.
- I AM relaxed, peaceful, calm and confident!
- I AM strong, self-reliant, discerning and capable!
- I AM accepting of my humanness and forgive myself quickly and easily with compassion and love!
- I AM trusting myself and in life to carry and support me in all my experiences!
- I AM enough!
It’s difficult sometimes to manifest our great ideas through taking action as an individual. It can be even more difficult in a relationship when I
becomes we;
as the same idea can be perceived completely different by both partners. Now there is an added layer to the communication, cooperation and negotiation in the actions necessary for manifestation, if we add even more members to the relationship as in teams, or even in the grandiose numbers of a country it gets far more complicated. What is true in all these situations is that you are “YOU” an individual. If you change yourself, you automatically change all levels of the relationships in your world. Relationships constantly give us learning opportunities to ask questions and discern answers in order to make adjustments and change. Typically great ideas come as inspired answers to fulfill needs in our lives and our relationships. Acting on these ideas has power to change the world. How are you using this power of action in your relationships?
Pick three (3) of your relationships and notice what comes up for you with the following questions.
- What changes do these relationships motivate you to make?
- What qualities do you value in these relationships?
- Who are you being in these relationships?
- What will you do differently today?
- How much do you trust yourself in your relationships?
- Do you trust your ability to figure out relationship solutions along the way?
- Do you believe in yourself more than another’s opinion?
I’ve learned that trusting and believing in myself creates a self-empowering strength that helps life seems less scary. There is no way anyone can know the correct way to handle all situations. Life is full of bumps and curves that force each of us to adapt, learn and grow. Our beliefs along the way change with more experience and knowledge. Sometimes difficulties that make us question, “What’s wrong with me!” is nothing other than using outdated ways of thinking in present-day situations. It’s kind of like in upgrading computer programs some old files need to be deleted before the new program can run properly.
- Can you surrender control of old mindsets in order to open up to new thinking and not needing to know everything before stepping into the unknown in all your relationships?
There’s something within you that knows what to do. There are powers greater than you that know how to take care of you without your help. All you’ve got to do is to surrender to it. Surrender your thoughts, your mind, and your ego, to the current that knows the way. It will take care of you. It will take better care of you than you can ever imagine.
~Robert Adams~
Photo: “New Yorkers don’t have screaming matches, but they have serious conversations…” by Ed Yourdon May 20, 2013 flickr.com license. I changed the size of the photo and applied a red rubber stamp effect.
Write down 5 times you felt most empowered in your relationship.
- What was empowering to you?
- Did it come from outside of you or from inside of you?
Notice what you feel right now as you are remembering.
- Can you remember the experiences vividly enough to engage all your senses?
- What do you notice when you do this?
Reflect on these moments of empowerment especially during challenging times. Use them as fuel to re-ignite that flame of passion that lives inside of you.
It’s October! Relationship Coaching is my focus this month. Relationship with your partner; relationship with your siblings; relationship with your career; relationship with your purpose in the world; relationship to food, fun and even exercise – It’s all about relationships this month!
My relationship philosophy is that the most important relationship is relationship to Self. All others are reflections of our relationship with our Self. Connecting to others seems to be built in to our consciousness. Our relationships give us a sense of who we are in the world. We tend to feel lonely without them. We can feel lonely even in our relationships when we have grown beyond the learning and reason why we connected in the first place. We cannot love others more than we love ourselves, yet we need relationships outside of our self to learn how to love our self. Our relationships reflect to us our true essence in a sort of self-distorted manner both positive and negative. Every interaction with another is an opportunity to practice all kinds of learning like tolerance, patience, and love. It’s kind of like harvesting what we plant as our relationship actions eventually come back to us in one way or another. With every interaction we can observe who and how we are being, and decide if we like ourselves that way or if we want to change our behavior.
Coaching Note for October:
Can you believe it’s 3rd Quarter already? How are you doing on your 2014 New Year resolution goals? Need some help? Go to my website and checkout the great package deals for coaching to assist you in achieving more for 2014!
Photo: Created by lisefrac on flickr.com “My 2009 Collage I added the word (Relationships To Who I Am!)
